It Makes a Difference to the Sheep

MIRTH AMID THE MADNESS: I've been grading papers and exams for the past several hours (hence the blogging; I take a break every so often to clear my head). Students are supposed to affix a statement to the effect that the work they submit is their own. Most use standard boilerplate. But one student had the following to declare:

This essay is wholly my own work and I received no outside aid from another human being, only from online articles and the textbook. I claim it like a parent claiming a juvenile delinquent, wholeheartedly but hoping no one will associate it with me

How can you not like that?