It Makes a Difference to the Sheep

NOW WHAT DO I DO? I tried to have a little fun with one of the variants of the Nigerian e-mail scam that crossed my inbox recently. The note began as follows:

From Ms. Sandra Kobe
Abidjan Ivory Coast.
Email: kobesandra@yahoo.com
Hello,
I hope this letter will not upset you, as we have no previous discussion on this matter. I am Miss Sandra Kobe, daughter of Mr. Marcus Kobe; a Liberian former Director of Liberian Mining corporation who was assassinated by the Rebels fighting former President Charles Taylor’s Government in Oct.2001.

My mother died of hart attack, one year after my Father?s death. I and my brother Nelson become orphans without anybody to care for us, even the Government which our father served and lost his life.

…

You know the drill: be my partner, help me get money out of an account, give me your account number etc. etc. Anyone who takes this stuff seriously needs to write that old saying about fools and their money a thousand times. So, my attempt at a witty reply went as follows:

Dear Ms. Kobe,

I did not realize that there were homicidal harts in Liberia. Did they attack your father in a herd or was this a lone hart doing the evil deed?

Note that in my attempt to be witty, I misread the letter. It was her mother not her father that was supposedly felled by deer. Well, Ms. Kobe wrote back:

DEAR KIRK

THANKS FOR YOUR MAIL AND YOUR ACCPTANCE TO HELP ME AT THIS CRUCIAL TIME IN MY LIFE.FOR YOUR QUESTION, MY FATHER WAS KILLED IN REBEL AN AMBUSH ON OFFICIAL VISIT TO DIAMAND FIELDS IN GBANGA REGION.
PLEASE KIRK I WANT YOU TO TELL ME WHAT WILL BE IN PERCENTAGE COMMISSION FOR HELPING ME.THIS IS IMPORTANT TO AVOID MISUNDERSTANDING IN FUTURE.
WHEN WE SETTLE ON YOUR PERCENTAGE,I WILL GIVE YOU MORE INFORMATION
YOURS SANDRA

So, what do I do now? What kind of percentage should I offer? Is this the key to a comfortable retirement? Suggestions?