It Makes a Difference to the Sheep

BUSH ADMITS MISLEADING NATION

President George W. Bush admitted today that he misled the American people on the reasons for the Iraq war. "No matter what your motives, it can never be right to be dishonest to the public," Bush told a hushed crowd at a news conference. "I am deeply sorry, and will never fail to tell the truth on any subject again."

At the Capitol, Senate Minority Leader Tom Daschle admitted today that the Democratic Party was trying to keep 9/11 in the news in order to damage the president. "Republicans did not know that attack was coming, Democrats did not know that attack was coming, nobody knew," Daschle acknowledged. "Endless partisan recriminations only harm the nation, and must end."

At the Old Executive Office Building, Vice President Dick Cheney apologized today "for acting so closed-minded, and for questioning the integrity of John Kerry, a war hero." Cheney said, "Politics is rough, but to attack below the belt just isn't right, and I am very sorry to have done so."

Outside the Senate cloakroom, Ted Kennedy of Massachusetts today apologized "for impugning the character of judicial nominees for political reasons." Looking pained, the senator said that "it's fair to oppose a judicial nominee over substance, but not fair to cast aspersions. I regret doing so and will not do so again."

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