Friday, November 05, 2004


As a fan of urban legends and their wackier cousins conspiracy theories, I got a kick out of this collection of Karl Rove conspiracies. Highlights:
A mystical adept of Rosicrucianism, Rove is actually several hundred years old and at one time acted as counsel to King Louis XI of France, whom he instructed to vanquish Charles the Reckless, and to set up the first western printing press is Strasburg—thereby ensuring the mass distribution of the very Bible that would one day lead directly to George W Bush’s re-election.

As a young Reagan operative in the early 80s, Rove ran crack cocaine and guns into the Watts section of California and was known to local gang leaders only by his street name, “Keyser Söze”.
Acting on behalf of Dick Cheney and Halliburton, Rove ordered the assassination of 3 Stanford engineering students who had perfected the first-ever renewable energy automobile, which ran on boiling water and Maple and Brown Sugar-flavored Cream of Wheat. Then, in a ritual ceremony, Rove burned the blueprints while drinking the students’ blood (mixed with bourbon and Maraschino cherry juice).

In ancient Aramaic, “Rove” translates roughly as “Mossad.”
Parody or reality? Only Karl Rove knows for certain.

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